OkStoopid

Oy vey.  This one - we’ll call him Toolbag69 - is 27 and clearly has so very much to learn:

you’re adorable actually for being 39…thought you were underage at first. Looking very innocent/shy though…I think im going to be too outgoing, sarcastic, and just plain naughty for such a fragile girl like you to handle, dont you think? ;-)

I know he thinks this is complimentary, but give me a break.  Underage?  Really!?  Yeah, no.  I don’t look underage and nobody’s sincerely mistaken me for being underage for an eon.  And the whole “you’re adorable actually for being 39” thing?  Holy shit, do not get me started.  What, at 39 am I supposed to look like the Crypt Keeper?  Shuffle down the street with a walker?  Keep the thermostat at 87 at all times?  Get turned on when Wilford Brimley talks about diabeetus testing supplies?

As far as the rest of it goes, I doubt you would have used “innocent” or “shy” or “fragile” to describe me, Toolbag, had you bothered to actually read my profile.  I know, I know; words are so boring!  But what you don’t know, Toolbag, is that I was sharpening my claws on the dumb kids in class when you were just a gleam in your daddy’s eye.  I would eat you alive, but frankly, I can’t be bothered to school any dude with “69” in his user name.