OkStoopid

One night, while enjoying some Maker’s Mark (okay, a lot of Maker’s Mark) with a friend, I got the bright idea of logging into OKC.  This is certainly not the best judgment I’ve ever exercised, but I had backup with me, so how bad could it get?  Anyway, this guy I’d winked at (and for the record, I think just winking at someone is a cop out, but on occasion I do it anyway because I’m lazy) IM’d me.  Miraculously enough, the conversation went quite well and I avoided making a total drunken ass out of myself even after my friend left.  In fact, I somehow made a good enough impression to warrant talk of meeting in person.

So a few days later, I figured that since this guy - let’s call him Napoleon - was an art buff, and I haven’t been to my friendly neighborhood world renowned art museum in a while, that meeting there might be the perfect way to get that first meeting out of the way.  It’s neutral territory between our respective neighborhoods, and even if it doesn’t go well, at least we would get to see magnificent works of art in the process.  Napoleon agrees, and I send him my contact number so that definite plans can be made.  And that’s when things got all kinds of wrong.

After deciding on a day and time, Napoleon suggests that since I am taller than he, maybe I should wear flats to meet him.  His rationale is that first meetings are awkward enough, so why exacerbate that awkwardness by increasing our height differential?  I balk at that, because you know what: (1) being taller than a dude doesn’t bother me, as there are far more important traits to worry about; (2) it’s 2010 (well, it was 2009 at the time) and people need to get the fuck over the whole caveman ideal of the big strong man and the little woman; (3) I wear heels to work every day because I like them and how I look in them (and they are an integral part of my ongoing efforts to improve my “look”); (4) I’m somewhat uncomfortable with any dude trying to control what I do or wear, much less someone I haven’t even met; and (5) guess what, dude, in flats I am still significantly taller than you, I’m not getting any shorter, and at your age you aren’t exactly waiting on a growth spurt, so I’m imagining that if we were to meet and date, this wouldn’t be the only “can’t you just wear flats so it’s not awkward” plea I would be hearing.

So, this awkward phone conversation is followed by this, via IM:

Napoleon:  ….so you can tell i’m a blunt communicator

Me:I did pick up on that, yes.

Me:It’s good. Better direct than not, I think.

Napoleon:it pays off in the end. better to get stuff out of the way and avoid uncomfortable situations if you can

Me:Agreed.

Napoleon:so that being said, i’m guessing you found my concerns about the heels off-putting :)

Me:A little bit, yes. Mainly because either way, I will now feel awkward. Either I wear them, then wonder if you’re uncomfortable, or I don’t, and feel like I am not being 100% true to myself.

Napoleon:gotcha, glad i asked then. for what it’s worth, i only became this way after lots and lots of women rejected me for my height. including women who were SHORTER than me

Me:I can certainly understand why you would ask, then. I just don’t worry too much about it. Like I said, there are attributes that are far more important to me.

Napoleon:i should’ve raised this sooner. i was just too caught up in our mutual love of monty python :)

Me:It sounds like it could still be a problem. Am I wrong?

Napoleon:No, you’re right.

Me:Okay, then. If that’s the case, then would you prefer not to meet?

Napoleon:i guess that would be best, since we’ll both be awkward or uncomfortable about it now.

Me:Okay then. I respect your honesty and wish you well.

Napoleon:likewise :)

You know how else you can avoid awkward and uncomfortable situations?  How about by not chatting up women whose OKC profile (and NAME, even) clearly indicate they are taller than you, since you are a great big baby who can’t get over a few girls who used your height as an excuse for dumping your sorry ass.  But hey, thanks for wasting my time.